The Monorail Song
MARGE: But Main Street’s still all cracked and broken!
BART: Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
“A town with money is a lot like a mule with a spinning wheel,” smooth-talking conman Lyle Lanley tells the people of Springfield. I don’t know why, but that makes a lot of sense to me at the moment. It’s easy to see how the people of our fair province could benefit from learning the story of how the people of Springfield were suckered into buying a Monorail system they had no real use for. Oh, and before any wags write in – yes, I’m aware that the Skytrain isn’t actually a monorail.
My response, on hearing of the B.C. government’s $14 Billion plan for the expansion of public transit over the next dozen years consisted of two words and seven letters (I’ll leave you to sort out the configuration). “Transit Plan to Help B.C. Reach Greenhouse Gas targets” read the press release that crossed my iPhone – you do that if you want, but leave me the hell out of it. What we have here is the worst of all possible outcomes – a government that I voted for (and whose campaigns I donated to) promising to spend thousands (and probably tens of thousands, before all is said and done) of my money on something that I don’t want in order to further a cause that I don’t believe in.
My position on public transit is that I’m against it. If you want to get around on wheels, go and buy your own damn car – or patronize the private transit services which would spring up in the aftermath of a round of transit privatization. Indeed, were it not for excessive government regulation and taxation I could have bought something newer than three years old (which is now five years old) and I could have bought a more expensive car. The choice between me buying a brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee and some shmuck getting to drive the bus really isn’t a choice at all, so far as I’m concerned.
There’s a rational argument in here somewhere. It isn’t all just fun and fulmination. The truth is that, for the most part, public transit isn’t an economical form of transportation. Even now, to get from my home to Vancouver and back would cost me $11.75 during the day and take me around two hours. By way of comparison for me, a single individual, to drive from my home to Vancouver and back would cost around $5 in gas plus a combined $11ish in car and insurance payments – and, depending upon the traffic, could be done in half the time.
Now, that might sound like a win for transit (setting aside the intangibles) until you read the fine print. Total revenue from transit fares totalled roughly $310 Million in 2006. The total cost of transit operations for the same year was over $545 (these figures both come from the 2006 Translink annual report). The rest was paid for through taxes, notably fuel taxes and, for some bizarre reason, a tax on BC Hydro bills.
In other words, the actual cost of that transit trip is hidden by taxpayer subsidies and the real cost of the car trip is inflated by taxation. Using a back-of-the-envelope calculation (not 100% accurate, but a useful thought experiment), we discover that the real cost of that bus trip would be $20.66 and the cost of the car trip lower trip, minus gas taxes for transit, probably would be somewhere in the fifteen dollar range. And even that’s a false accounting for the car – since it assumes that the car is using only for the purpose of commuting to and from Coquitlam to Vancouver. If you, on the other hand, calculated that the car was used for commuting, say, 2/3’s of the time and otherwise for other purposes, the cost of that trip becomes $12.26.
Frankly, it boggles the mind as to how it costs Translink as much as it does to carry passengers around. Of course, where there’s a will, there’s always a way – and no one is better than government when it comes to wasting our money.
Of course, even If this was to work, it would depend upon the project being completed in a form at least somewhat on-time and on-budget. Count me as sceptical on both counts. I grew up in the area where the planned Evergreen line is supposed to end. I recall my parents taking me and showing me where the Skytrain was supposed to go in two decades ago. Knowing how these things work, I think that we can expect that the transit system will be completed by a garrison of People’s Liberation Army engineers just in time to inaugurate the Canada Two-Two-Five celebrations of their fraternal allies in Ottawa.
Alas, we’re well beyond the point where these is anyone left other than myself to speak for me on this issue. For some strange reason, we’ve all just blithely accepted that it’s your and my responsibility to pay for the grotesquely expensive wet dreams of transportation central planners without complaint and with perfect good cheer. Perhaps that’s not the most public spirited of sentiments – but I, for one, would be of much better cheer if I were the proud owner of a $50,000 car, rather than the proud wage-slave of some concrete monstrosity that I will ride a maximum of fifteen times during my lifetime and then only while in such a state of heavy intoxication that I will only fleetingly recall the experience. And, given that I’m already twenty-four and this isn’t supposed to be completed until I’m thirty-something, I doubt I’ll even get that much use out of the system.
Seriously, folks, $14 Billion (and really $20 Billion or $30 Billion or whatever by the time all is said and done) is a lot of money. We could find plenty of better things to do with it. While I admit that burning it all in a giant bonfire might marginally contribute the global warming-induced end of the human race, at least it would be kind of pretty and cause fewer traffic headaches. Or, we could get really creative. For that kind of money would could buy some little country in Africa and get its people to give us all piggy-back rides to work. Or, we could dispense with work altogether – for that kind of money we could buy ourselves a nice-sized army and use it to conquer a few small and resource-rich areas and subsequently live off of them. Or we could build a nuclear arsenal and get rich by demanding that assorted countries pay us not to kill them all.
I can only hope and pray that this is the only folly the people of British Columbia ever embark upon. Except for the popsicle-stick skyscraper. And the 50-foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere…
BART: Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
“A town with money is a lot like a mule with a spinning wheel,” smooth-talking conman Lyle Lanley tells the people of Springfield. I don’t know why, but that makes a lot of sense to me at the moment. It’s easy to see how the people of our fair province could benefit from learning the story of how the people of Springfield were suckered into buying a Monorail system they had no real use for. Oh, and before any wags write in – yes, I’m aware that the Skytrain isn’t actually a monorail.
My response, on hearing of the B.C. government’s $14 Billion plan for the expansion of public transit over the next dozen years consisted of two words and seven letters (I’ll leave you to sort out the configuration). “Transit Plan to Help B.C. Reach Greenhouse Gas targets” read the press release that crossed my iPhone – you do that if you want, but leave me the hell out of it. What we have here is the worst of all possible outcomes – a government that I voted for (and whose campaigns I donated to) promising to spend thousands (and probably tens of thousands, before all is said and done) of my money on something that I don’t want in order to further a cause that I don’t believe in.
My position on public transit is that I’m against it. If you want to get around on wheels, go and buy your own damn car – or patronize the private transit services which would spring up in the aftermath of a round of transit privatization. Indeed, were it not for excessive government regulation and taxation I could have bought something newer than three years old (which is now five years old) and I could have bought a more expensive car. The choice between me buying a brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee and some shmuck getting to drive the bus really isn’t a choice at all, so far as I’m concerned.
There’s a rational argument in here somewhere. It isn’t all just fun and fulmination. The truth is that, for the most part, public transit isn’t an economical form of transportation. Even now, to get from my home to Vancouver and back would cost me $11.75 during the day and take me around two hours. By way of comparison for me, a single individual, to drive from my home to Vancouver and back would cost around $5 in gas plus a combined $11ish in car and insurance payments – and, depending upon the traffic, could be done in half the time.
Now, that might sound like a win for transit (setting aside the intangibles) until you read the fine print. Total revenue from transit fares totalled roughly $310 Million in 2006. The total cost of transit operations for the same year was over $545 (these figures both come from the 2006 Translink annual report). The rest was paid for through taxes, notably fuel taxes and, for some bizarre reason, a tax on BC Hydro bills.
In other words, the actual cost of that transit trip is hidden by taxpayer subsidies and the real cost of the car trip is inflated by taxation. Using a back-of-the-envelope calculation (not 100% accurate, but a useful thought experiment), we discover that the real cost of that bus trip would be $20.66 and the cost of the car trip lower trip, minus gas taxes for transit, probably would be somewhere in the fifteen dollar range. And even that’s a false accounting for the car – since it assumes that the car is using only for the purpose of commuting to and from Coquitlam to Vancouver. If you, on the other hand, calculated that the car was used for commuting, say, 2/3’s of the time and otherwise for other purposes, the cost of that trip becomes $12.26.
Frankly, it boggles the mind as to how it costs Translink as much as it does to carry passengers around. Of course, where there’s a will, there’s always a way – and no one is better than government when it comes to wasting our money.
Of course, even If this was to work, it would depend upon the project being completed in a form at least somewhat on-time and on-budget. Count me as sceptical on both counts. I grew up in the area where the planned Evergreen line is supposed to end. I recall my parents taking me and showing me where the Skytrain was supposed to go in two decades ago. Knowing how these things work, I think that we can expect that the transit system will be completed by a garrison of People’s Liberation Army engineers just in time to inaugurate the Canada Two-Two-Five celebrations of their fraternal allies in Ottawa.
Alas, we’re well beyond the point where these is anyone left other than myself to speak for me on this issue. For some strange reason, we’ve all just blithely accepted that it’s your and my responsibility to pay for the grotesquely expensive wet dreams of transportation central planners without complaint and with perfect good cheer. Perhaps that’s not the most public spirited of sentiments – but I, for one, would be of much better cheer if I were the proud owner of a $50,000 car, rather than the proud wage-slave of some concrete monstrosity that I will ride a maximum of fifteen times during my lifetime and then only while in such a state of heavy intoxication that I will only fleetingly recall the experience. And, given that I’m already twenty-four and this isn’t supposed to be completed until I’m thirty-something, I doubt I’ll even get that much use out of the system.
Seriously, folks, $14 Billion (and really $20 Billion or $30 Billion or whatever by the time all is said and done) is a lot of money. We could find plenty of better things to do with it. While I admit that burning it all in a giant bonfire might marginally contribute the global warming-induced end of the human race, at least it would be kind of pretty and cause fewer traffic headaches. Or, we could get really creative. For that kind of money would could buy some little country in Africa and get its people to give us all piggy-back rides to work. Or, we could dispense with work altogether – for that kind of money we could buy ourselves a nice-sized army and use it to conquer a few small and resource-rich areas and subsequently live off of them. Or we could build a nuclear arsenal and get rich by demanding that assorted countries pay us not to kill them all.
I can only hope and pray that this is the only folly the people of British Columbia ever embark upon. Except for the popsicle-stick skyscraper. And the 50-foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere…
posted by Adam Yoshida at
11:17 PM
1 Comments:
Whaaaaaa! Whaaaa! I can't buy a nice car! Whaaaa!It's everyone's fault but mine!! Whaaaaa! Whaaaa!
Hey tubby, first off you could use the exercise of a good walk and second why don't you get a job that pays more so you can afford a nicer ride?
Nah, keep whining like a bitch, that'll do it for ya.
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