Pussy.
 

Adam - that was the lamest podcast yet. I wanna hear more fire and brimstone.
 

The trouble with podcasts is that you have to actually listen to them - as opposed to speed-reading for about twenty seconds, getting the general idea, laughing hysterically and moving on to something more worthwhile (such as the comments).

Which is by far the most sensible way of treating Adam's ravings.
 

Adam, report to your supervisor immediately. We need to discuss your inability to meet deadlines.
 

You don't really need an actual column to imagine what he'll say - my money's on an impassioned defence of the US troops accused of murdering a civilian family in cold blood.

I suspect Adam will argue that if the children weren't actual convicted terrorists, the mere fact that they were Iraqi made this so overwhelmingly likely that it was probably a mercy to shoot them, and that the soldiers should therefore be given medals for their prompt pre-emptive action.

He will also call for the immediate arrest and execution of anyone responsible for exposing the massacre, right down to the editors of any media outlets who carried the story - possibly by injection with bleach, a favourite Yoshida fetish.

That's the essence, but Adam will of course puff it up to 2,000 words by adding all sorts of extraneous verbiage.
 

Michael, you called it.