What I find most humorous about the Liberal opposition to Ballistic Missile Defense is this: the same people pushing for the implementation of these policies are the same people who will be most deeply horrified about their ultimate consequences. Their decision to abandon our responsibilities for the defense of our homeland will lead, inexorably, to the loss of the sovereignty that they so value.

Those who harbor continuing delusions that Canada is relevant need only consider our present defense position.

The Prime Minister’s demand that he be consulted before the United States fires defensive weapons is absurd enough to make for a good Saturday Night Live Sketch.

FADE IN: A military command post, with fancy computers and massive lighted map displays.

TEXT: North American Aerospace Defense Command, Cheyenne Mountain, CO

A number of uniformed officers move about rapidly. A warning light suddenly goes off.

AIR FORCE MAJOR: General! General! We have a missile launch! Yongbyong Missile Field, DPRK!

Alarms ring. A track appears on the map showing the missile moving rapidly from North Korea towards North America. The General walks over to stand behind the Air Force Major.

CINC-NORAD: Do we have a course plot?

Another man at a nearby computer turns backwards to face the General.

AIR FORCE CAPTAIN: Initial impact estimate is CONUS, probably the Pacific Northwest.

CINC-NORAD: I initiate an attack warning. Get me the President.

CUT TO: The White House, Washington, DC

The red phone on the President’s desk rings. He picks it up.

PRESIDENT: Hello?

CINC-NORAD: Mr. President, we have a missile incoming. We request permission to release the ABM’s at Fort Greely for launch.

PRESIDENT: Hold on, General. We’ve got to follow our procedures. I’ve got to call Paul before we do anything else. Hold the line.

The President hits a button on the phone, and dials another number. Something picks up on the line.

EMERGENCY LINE: Bonjour, vous avez atteint la ligne de secours du premier ministre du Canada. Pour le service en français, pression une. Pour le service en anglais, pression deux.

The President looks up, mystified. Finally, he presses “0” in hopes of getting an Operator.

EMERGENCY LINE: Le service d'opérateur est seulement lundi disponible au vendredi de neuf AM à cinq P.M. et samedi d'onze AM à quatre P.M.. Si vous laissez un message nous serons sûrs d'obtenir de nouveau à vous aussitôt que possible. Si vous avez besoin de l'aide immédiate, écrivez la prolongation de la personne que vous souhaitez atteindre.

The President, angry, mashes a number of buttons.

EMERGENCY LINE: Bonjour, vous avez atteint le bureau de Monsieur Jaques LeClair, commissaire national pour Transgendered redresse. Je ne suis pas à mon bureau en ce moment, si vous laissez un message que je peux écouter lui.

The President tries again. This time he finally reaches the Prime Minister.

PRESIDENT: Mr. Prime Minister, we have a North Korean ballistic missile inbound, to hit somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. I’m calling you to consult.

MARTIN: We have to stand on guard against any hasty overreaction, Mr. President. It’s important that our response to this event reflect Canadian values.

PRESIDENT: Well, I was thinking that we’d, you know, shoot it down.

MARTIN: That’s the problem so many Canadians have with Americans. You shoot first and ask questions later. This missile hasn’t harmed any Americans. I don’t think the Canadian people are going to back unilateral and preemptive action against the military of a country that has yet to murder a single American today.

PRESIDENT: Yah-huh. I still think we’d better shoot it down.

MARTIN: I plead with you, Mr. President, don’t resort to force without thinking. It’s very important that we exhaust all diplomatic options before using military force. I think we need to seriously consider asking the opinion of the United Nations before we doing anything excessive.

PRESIDENT: Paul, yeah, we’re going to shoot it down.

MARTIN: Please, Mr. President, don’t do this! We should at least talk to the North Koreans before we take any precipitous action!

PRESIDENT (INCREDULOUS): You want us to talk to the North Koreans? Now?

MARTIN: There’s still a possibility that we might be able to avoid the trauma of war! Have you considered the fact that, by shooting down their missile, you will grievously harm the self-esteem of the Korean people. You will render them mentally impotent!

The President hangs up the phone.