At a recent campaign stop in Denver, Howard Dean told the crowd that he was a ‘Metrosexual’ (right before admitting that he actually had little idea of what that meant). ‘Metrosexual’, for those of you who remain blissfully unaware, is the new term invented to describe straight men that have the grooming habits and artistic tastes of gay ones. Now, Howard Dean really might not know the exact meaning of the word but still, he got it just right for once: he’s the candidate of homosexuals, feminized straight men, and socially liberal women. In other words: he’s exactly the right man to be the next Mayor of San Francisco and exactly the wrong man to be the President of the United States. Oh, wait, did I say man? I ought to have said ‘alleged man.’

That is the thing that increasingly strikes me about Dean: he’s the female option. I don’t mean that he’s the candidate of all women, far from it, there are many honourable, patriotic, decent, and intelligent women: only they’re all Republicans. Dean, however, seems to do a very good job of embodying feminist values. He’s the kind of ‘man’ that the National Organization for Women could love. He’s an Oprah sort of fellow, the kind of guy who likes to shop at IKEA and whose office is tastefully decorated in soft, pastel, hues.

He might well be a nice man to have over for dinner (or, even better, to have him cook you dinner!), but we don’t need or want such a man in the White House in this day and age. The Presidency is not a position meant to be occupied by weak men. Any President is going to have to order some people killed and others to die. That is the reality of the job.

We live in an age of great danger for the Republic. Who do you expect to guard it? Howard Dean? He might well be a great President for homosexuals- maybe he’ll even have the White House painted in rainbow colours to show his support for them. But he’ll be a terrible President for those Americans who have a selfish desire not to be murdered by savages as they sit at their desk or watch the Super Bowl.

After September 11th the man we need to lead us is a John Wayne, not a Rock Hudson. There can be no room anywhere in the corridors of power for weak, effeminate men. We already saw just what sort of problems that could cause when the American people twice, in a fit of collective insanity, put William Jefferson Clinton in the White House.

Howard Dean’s personal weakness is encapsulated by his family life. Liberals have thrown fits of glee because President Bush’s daughters were caught sneaking into bars with fake ID’s and because Jeb Bush’s daughter was arrested for forging prescriptions. Well, Howard Dean’s son was arrested for breaking into a country club to steal alcohol. If he can’t be a father to his son, how can he be the father of his country? Of course, shortly thereafter Dean made a speech in which he declared that he was going to ‘break into the country club’ that is the Democratic Party so, perhaps, it is simply a case of ‘like father, like son.’

Then, of course, there is the question of just where his wife has gone off to. Apparently, she isn’t interested in being First Lady and plans to go right on in her medical practice if her husband is elected President. One wonders just what kind of influence she will actually have, were here husband to be elected. After all, I truly doubt that she would abdicate the duties of the First Lady (as she did as the First Lady of Vermont) simply out of a disinterest in the position. Rather, it seems to be an obvious, feminist, political statement. How much control does she have over her husband? How great is her political influence?

In this dangerous day and age the Presidency must be reserved for tough guys, not a weak projection of a man. Forget, for a moment, Howard Dean’s reprehensible politics. Instead, ask yourself this: is this man of fit moral character to be the President? Can you picture him ordering the assassination of an enemy leader? Can you picture him leading the country at war? If you cannot, they he must not be President.

Howard Dean should go back to getting his manicure and leave the business of government to real men.